So Tomkat is breaking up. Inside sources tell me this is the fault of Obamacare. After the Supreme Court upheld the Affordable Care Act, Katie was very pissed. She was all, “Well, now we have to move to Canada!” and Tom was like, “Bitch we can’t move to Canada, the aliens don’t like cold environments!” And then Katie was like, “Well I can’t live in a country where you are forced to pay for health insurance!” Tom bit into his rainbow Oreo cookie and said, “Well not everyone is immortal like us. If they get hit by a bus, their spine won’t have any nano-thetans to instantly reconstruct itself. They might end up with hundreds of thousands of dollars in medical bills and no way to pay them. Then the hospital has to eat the cost because they aren’t just going to let the bus crash guy die and that’s why we have to pay for $10 aspirin in the hospital!” This made Katie very mad. Tom had his new logic circuits installed and it made him impossible to argue with. So she called up their lawyer, Vorlak the Destroyer of Worlds and Marriages, and told him to draw up the divorce papers.